I'm afraid I can't actually tell you the
exact nature of this threat, as it would
cause your brain to explode.  However,
I can assure you that we are all of us
in very real danger.  Some of you here
today may not survive the coming fight,
but in this case the sacrifice of a few
may be necessary that it can help save
the entirety of humanity itself from being
destroyed by terror in cotton-polyester
blend with a bit of elastic at the top
and double-stitched toes for durability.
Today begins the war that will determine
whether it is flesh and blood or knitting
and googly eyes that will inherit the earth.
I trust that you all understand what we
are getting into here, as well as the need
for us to not shirk our duty against our foe.